There’s no getting around the fact that wedding planning can be stressful.
I’ve been hearing more and more and more about this from my couples this year. Favourite part of the planning process? “The end.” “We scrapped our big wedding because it got to be too much.” I can go down an incredible side-note about how much better elopements and intimate weddings are than big, elaborate weddings…but that’s not the topic at hand here. And that is: wedding planning stresses everyone out.
Even if you’re having a small one, like we did, there is still a laundry list of things to do. It’s like packing for an overnight trip: have you ever done that, then looked at all your stuff and said, “I’m only going overnight, but it looks like I’m going away for a week!”
Big wedding, small wedding, traditional, non-traditional, elopement… whatever decisions you make about what your day is going to look like, they’re still decisions that need to be made. So you don’t want a big traditional venue; perfect. But where are you going to get married then? City Hall? The beach? Do you need permits…?
…This probably isn’t adding to my “de-stress” message.
All I’m trying to say is that every wedding, large and small, is going to come with a list of decisions. Being aware of it ahead of time only puts you in a better position to deal with it. So reconcile yourself to that knowledge, and then read on for 5 ways/reasons to stop stressing about wedding planning.
Realize that your attitude is everything
My wedding was less than a year ago. I’m sure these memories will fade some over time, but I remember laughing over the breaker tripping every time we tried to run the hair dryer and the toaster oven at the same time. I remember putting bouquets and boutonnieres together at the kitchen table with the best man, getting my future sister-in-law to scrounge up some ribbon for me because I couldn’t find mine, borrowing earrings from my mum, blindly believing that the weather would be perfect in November (it was) but hoping it wouldn’t rain because we didn’t have a backup plan, writing my vows on a torn piece of binder paper, tying my dress in a knot because it was too loose.
And I remember all of those things fondly. It’s all about your attitude and perspective. I could have gotten upset over each of those minor inconveniences, and my memory of my wedding would have been very different. But here’s the thing: I don’t think about my inability to put on false lashes. I think instead about Maria helping me and making sure they looked perfect.
Personally, I think you should go about your whole life this way, but whenever you start getting stressed, try to re-frame things in a new light. Works wonders.
Acknowledge that shit happens no matter what you do
(I promise I’m not trying to be negative.)
This goes back to your attitude again. You could plan the most perfect gala only to have thunderclouds roll in and literally rain on your parade. By acknowledging that life happens no matter what we plan for, and finding a way to roll with whatever life is throwing at us, we’re automatically putting ourselves in a more “zen” state of mind.
I’m not saying you have to give up planning and get married in your kitchen in your sweatpants (…unless you really want to), but if you find yourself stressing out over some detail, remind yourself that what happens happens. And you’ll be ok when it does.
(And honestly? The tiny details aren’t worth working yourself into a tizzy over.)
Approach everything with gratitude
Instead of being angry or frustrated or upset that something isn’t turning out the way you wanted it to, take a moment to be grateful for what is happening. The time people are putting in for you, the vendors who are helping you.
No one is perfect, but you can always find something to be grateful for.
Ask for help with wedding planning
Rambling about positivity and zen attitude is all well and good, but that won’t put food on the dinner table, will it?
So to speak.
Certain things just need to get done. You have to wear something (unless it’s a nudist wedding; no shade), you have to eat something (…yeah I’m not negotiating that one), you have to do all of that somewhere… It can be overwhelming. Especially if you have a super short engagement like we did.
When I get overwhelmed, I break things down into manageable pieces–trying to do everything at once is a recipe for disaster. But I also ask for help when I need it. Consider getting a wedding planner, a day-of coordinator, or even friends and family to help you run a few errands. Taking even a few things off your plate can be a huge relief. Knowing that you aren’t doing everything alone works wonders.
There are so many people out there ready to help you with your wedding planning (like me!); all you have to do is ask.
Focus on the most important thing: getting married
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again till I’m blue in the face: your wedding is not the most important thing. Your marriage is.
Yes, the wedding is a beautiful marker; it’s Day 1 of your married life together. But no matter what happens, the best part of that day probably doesn’t have anything to do with the state of the tableware. You’re getting married. Focus on that.
Let the superfluous details go! If planning a big party is stressing you out, don’t plan a big party.
Keep the focus on you and your partner. The more you do, the less weight those other details will carry, and the less stress they’ll bring you.
Did this help? I hope this helped. Share it with your engaged friends who are pulling out their hair (it’s ok if that person is you), or drop a comment with tips of your own! And if you want to read about my own wedding weekend, you can read that here xx